What will be will be

When does a person write a will? I am not talking about myself: I mean a man who looks like he might kick the bucket any time, with his heirs in the background trying to look uninterested. I sought to know from my golf mates, some of them 15 or 20 years younger, their thoughts about writing a will. They said they all had their wills drawn up quite some time back. And they are all athletic, strapping golfers who take out their Big Berthas and pummel the poor Titleist or Callaway balls a country mile. “Writing a will won’t kill you,” they reasoned.

I agreed, and told them I am in the process of writing mine. I wrote down what assets and intangibles I owned and sent it to my senior lawyer in Chennai. He drafted the will in legalese and told me his associate in Bangalore would arrange everything that needed to be done. I should fill in the blanks with Aadhar and PAN numbers, passport numbers if any of the heirs is a non-Indian passport holder, specify what should go to whom and in what proportion so that if any asset is sold, who should get what proportion of the proceeds. I should get two witnesses younger than me – this is the easy part – and shoot a video of the process.

The video should start with me reading aloud the contents of the will, signing it at the appropriate place, followed by the two witnesses’ signatures in their slots. The advocate did not ask me to do the next part but I will be shaking hands with the witnesses and thanking them so that they would know that that is all they would get. As my local lawyer would be overseeing the proceedings, I will be thanking him too and he would be paid his fee specified by his senior in Chennai. Then we all may sigh in relief but the collective sigh is to take place after the video camera is shut.

Quite quick and almost painless, right? But it would be much more tedious and time-consuming if an American citizen dies intestate. It also depends on which state the deceased resided in, as inheritance and estate taxes change from state to state. The state takes over the property, deducts the taxes due, and disburses what is remaining among the beneficiaries.

A friend who is an American citizen says her daughter, a US passport holder and not yet 43, has had her will registered. In case she and her husband die before the children turn 18, the youngsters would be entrusted to the rest of the family for their upbringing. If there is no family to be found, the state takes over the children and perhaps puts them in foster care.

My friend tells me she wants to change her will and include the proviso that no extraordinary measure should be taken to keep her alive once the doctors determine that she would not recover.

I recalled Mrs. Chatterjee vs Norway, a Bollywood production starring Rani Mukherjee. The 2023 Hindi-language legal drama was inspired by the real-life story of Sagarika Chakraborty and Anurup Bhattacharya, an immigrant couple whose children were taken away by the Norwegian authorities in 2011. In the movie, the couple Debika and Aniruddha are told that they are unfit to hold custody of their children but Debika is determined to wrest back custody. Aniruddha, under pressure from the system, blames Debika and divorces her, prioritizing his citizenship.

Being thankful for my Indian birth and nationality, I started getting ready for my documentation. I asked Dr Sudhakar, a senior kidney transplant surgeon, son-in-law of my wife Bhavani’s eldest sister Padmini – he visits me several times a day to ensure that my medication and physiotherapy schedules are strictly followed as per my pulmonary physician’s diktat – if he would be a witness to the formal will-signing procedure. He readily agreed. I then asked Prithvi, Padmini’s son, if he would be the second witness. He too was happy to play the part.

With key players in place, I listed the assets: immovable properties like land and buildings, movable properties (vehicles), bank deposits (not much) and jewellery (none!), furniture and artworks (values would vary according to the valuer!) and liabilities (none!). I also listed an insignificant court case that my lawyer has been handling effectively. I also named our sons Suman and Sharad as the executors of the will.

I typed the contents of the will on my laptop; I entrusted the printing of the draft will on a stamp paper to my lawyer so that he would get it done by a professional. I am after all a blogger who looks for opportunities to give his writeups a humorous twist so the readers can enjoy the piece better. A funny will may not pass muster.